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“Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but names will never hurt me.” Some of us go by that
philosophy, while others beg to differ. I used to believe
those words of wisdom, but its meaning
now feels far, so distant. Eminem once spoke such crimson
flames of truth in his single, Like Toy Soldiers, “There
used to be a time when you could just say a rhyme and wouldn’t
have to worry about one of your people dying.” Whether
it be dying by one’s own psyche or purposely hurting
one’s self; we will all eventually break down from verbal
abuse.
Have you ever wished you could go back and
change things? I admit I’ve been a part of bullying.
I’ve jumped on the bandwagon and have been disposed of
my morals to fit in, by laughing at other people’s expenses.
I’ve followed the crowd and made fun of people so that
I would not be pushed to the side of rejection. Never once
had I thought words could be so cruel, until I, myself experienced
the agony and pain.
“What goes around comes around”,
and my story is no different. My friends decided one day to
play a joke on me, by excluding me and verbally playing with
my emotions. The pushed me away from any social opportunity
we had came across and called me names; some of which were
vulgar. Being an insecure person, I took their acts and comments
seriously. I believe that it’s normal at times to feel
that you are worthless, stupid, pathetic, or any other angst
emotion, but when someone else says it; it’s like a big
slap in the face from reality. You feel as though since those
words have intentionally slipped out of someone else’s
mouth, it must be true and there is no way to change it.
I felt as if I wanted to lock myself away
from the world, never to be seen again. Despite the fact that
I was suffering, I decided to laugh it off like it was no
big deal instead of actually telling my friends that it wasn’t
right. Like Linkin Park said in the lyrics of their song,
Easier To Run; “wounds so deep, they never show, they
never go away, like moving pictures in my head, for years
and years they’ve played.” This experience still
eats away at me while transparent tears rush down my eyes,
each and every time I look back.
My sixth grade teacher once said, “You’re
not sorry for what you did, you’re sorry because you
got caught.” Now because of my previous experience, I
can in fact say with all my heart; I am sorry if I’ve
ever hurt someone else with my words. I’ve learned that
you can’t erase the past, so learn from your mistakes.
Bullying isn’t always about the bruises and scars we
see on the outside; it truly is skin deep.
Shelter me with warmth
And wipe away my tears
Come take me away
To anywhere, but here.
Cause, the days are now long
And the air is still cold
The nights are lonely
With no one there to hold.
I’ll swallow my breath
And hope to survive
This daily routine
I shall endure to thrive.
This home now feels distant
Yet I’ve been here before
These broken memories
Will have me striving for more.
I’ve moved on since then,
But the feeling will stay
And all I’ve got left
Is to sit here and pray.
There’s no use forgetting
Or making any excuse
Forever down I’ll be
I’m a child of your abuse.
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